Emotions can come in waves, pleasant emotions as well as painful emotions. Neither last forever, they cycle through us. Some waves are tsunami’s and we barely feel some of the small waves.Some are so difficult it FEELS like they will never end, but they do and they cleanse and create your heart. Meaning they may have a positive purpose, despite how difficult they are to endure. Painful experiences may require medication or professional support. However suicidal thoughts, depression, and existential dread/angst is somewhat normal for many of us. Difficult thoughts and feelings don’t mean we shouldn’t be here, or that an early death is our fate. But the feelings and thoughts can lead us to being more than a fucking cog in the machine.
For whatever reason there’s a thought/feeling “stream” that has a romantic delusional way of processing suicidal thoughts. Its not a big deal, but its worth being mindful of the seductive quality of “cutting” ourselves with our thoughts cuz it helps us feel, or brings other feelings to the surface. Politically incorrect as it may seem to sound, there are things we do to ourselves that are out of obsessive compulsive fixation on our own pain because of childhood and adolescent suffering. Real pain/suffering that has to be processed or else we’ll just keep recreating it. Over and over again.
The process is spiral in nature… and generally upward, but because pain and growth is not appreciated (duh) it often feels like it is downward cuz it hurts. Even when experiences repeat, or we are in the throws of blaming and pointing the finger at everyone else, we are usually having an opportunity to refine our understanding.
The creative process is in play. NOW. Our tomorrows are being created today. Right now. If we are not creating our experiences then someone else is, or our unconscious is creating experiences based on its fears and compulsive old brain chemistry and conditioning. This is not a “belief” system, its a creative system that is embedded in our minds, brains, bodies.
Daily we take creative steps. As a creator in other realms of our lives we may have an advantage in that we are predisposed to take action, creative action and see our connection to what happens in life. It does get better…. and somethings will get worse for awhile, and then better again (waves) cuz that’s sorta the way we all learn, grow, and entertain ourselves, till we graduate from this Schoolhouse Earth.
